Sunday, August 19, 2012

Early Morning Ramblings

I know that when you are a twin, sometimes it is hard to figure out who you are, separate from your sister. This will be a life long journey my girls go through. Every single person goes through this journey, but for twins there is the added element of seeing a mirror of who you are, might be, could be and even are not every single day. Most people don't have to worry about how they are singular in this world until a much older age. I know I'm over thinking it, but I want my girls to be everything they want to be and last nights conversation has just stuck with me.

We do a little family game before bedtime a couple times a month. It's "I love 'blank' about you." It started on a whim a while back and now we do it when ever we think about it. We take turns going around the family, "Izzie I love how graceful you are" or "Maddie I love how kind you are to everyone" Then I go around to John, "Husband, I love how you protect our family" and then last we say something we love about ourselves. "I love my smile." And yes, I do call him Husband in this exercise and in some other times around the kids. I want to distinguish Husband and Daddy. I tell them I love their Daddy, he's MY husband. I don't know why I started doing this, it just seemed important. Sometimes you go with your gut. It has something to do with them one day finding a healthy relationship. John seriously will roll his eyes and think I over think EVERYTHING to do with raising our children, and maybe I do. But I do. I love our family and no one can fault me for that!

Anyway, somehow I got sidetracked. When we play this game we let the girls say whatever they want, often times at this age they just repeat who ever went first. And that is fine. They LOVE this exercise. But last night Izzie was having a hard time saying what she loved about herself. I try not to put words in her mouth, but she was getting frustrated and I opened my mouth and said, "Do you love how you twirl? Your talented art? Your great math skills?" And before I could say anything else they both stopped me, "Mom," Maddie pipes up, "I am the girl that is a mather, Izzie does art." I said, "Izzie can do math too." They argued and Izzie said, "I do art NOT math." I just said that they could both do art and math and anything they wanted and just let it drop.

This has come up over and over. I don't know how it started and I know they are just trying to figure out who they are in the world, their sameness and their differences. And yes, Izzie does tend to spend more time drawing and coloring and Maddie will keep answering addition and subtraction problems all day long, but I really hope that at 4.5 years old they are not setting themselves in stone. Izzie is great at logic problems and Maddie loves 3D art like cutting and gluing. I probably just need to take a deep breath and let them be.

1 comment:

MandyE_TwinTriumphs said...

Wow...such a big topic. 

Since I only have the girls, I don't think I spend much time thinking about how they're "twins" this point, they're just my girls, and I obviously don't have any other comparison points.  But I think you're right to say how unique of a situation being a twin is in this respect. 

We try hard not to compare our girls, but -- even without saying a word -- I guess they're often comparing themselves.  They go through every single milestone together...spend the days with each other, learning many of the same things and doing the same activities.

What I've seen with my girls is that they often shy away from direct competition with each other.  My A is so good with writing her letters and numbers.  B rarely even wants to try.  It's such a tough position...I want to praise A for how well she's doing, but -- subconsciously, I'm sure -- that sometimes seems to make B think she should just focus on something else.

At least in that example, I've found that B is more receptive to writing and drawing when we have one-on-one time...when her sister isn't writing circles around her, while she's still learning.

I feel like both girls are confident in themselves...certainly that's how I hope I'm shaping them...but it's interesting (and sometimes a little sad) to step back and look at things more item-by-item.  As you said, it's WAY too early for them to be deciding what they are and are not "good at".

I don't know the answers, but my guess is this is a pretty common challenge most multiples face...